Read This If You’re Hurting
When you’re hurting about the past, what someone has done or said, or unmet dreams or goals, you can feel powerless and stuck. But you are not. You can move in healthy ways. This post is short, sweet, simple, and eye-opening.
Written by author, transformational teacher, and The Way We Grow creator, Gillian Shields
*Be informed, stay growth-centered: This content is not professional therapy or counselling. It is for awareness, education, insight, and growth-forward options. No article can cover every nuance of every situation, and not every article will be personally relevant to everyone. To get the most out of this content, approach it with curiosity and a growth-oriented intention. Consider how it could be helpful to your situation and how you might apply it—similarly or differently—in a way that supports your own healing and growth.*
Feeling hurt sucks.
It’s painful. Even destabilizing.
We can talk about all the ways we tend deal with this—like pushing people away, lashing out on others, assuming negative motives of other people—but let’s not go there. Because right now, we don’t need to.
I have observed something in people who are hurting (including myself) that make moving through it like walking through sludge or quicksand. Something that just keeps the pain going for longer (and sometimes indefinitely).
Here’s what we tend to do when we are deep in feeling pain and hurt:
Believe that we cannot do anything enjoyable or positive.
Not want to do anything enjoyable or positive.
And there lies what exacerbates our distress.
I believe the underlying culprit is believing that if we are hurting, if we are feeling low:
We don’t deserve enjoyment or positivity.
It’s not the right time for enjoyment and positivity.
Yet, it is precisely what we deserve, and precisely the right time.
We give children a lollypop when they’ve gone through pain at the doctor’s office. We hug them when they are crying. We take them out for ice cream when they’ve had a tough day. We surround them in love and light. We try to bring a smile to their face. Because pain and hurt responds well to this. It’s healing.
So why do we overlook it for ourselves?
We aren’t children, but our joy and healing also matters. So much.
We are people with hearts and souls. We deserve to feel better.
You are free to feel better.
WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW
Notice if you are holding back on allowing yourself enjoyment and positivity when you’re hurting.
Is there a part of you thinking that it’s not the right time for it? That you don’t “feel” like it? That it’s not an appropriate move right now or impractical?
Do you instead think you need to focus on work, chores, or other tasks?
Gently notice how you aren’t giving yourself permission to heal through enjoyment and positivity. It’s okay because you can do something different about it now.
How can you step into some enjoyment and positivity even though you’re hurting? What would feel good to you? It’s helpful to ask yourself, “What would I do if I were feeling good today?”
Then go.
